Wednesday, 31 October 2012

Leprechaun 2

Yes, the good news is I own the box set! Starting off in Ireland a thousand years ago the creature kills the father of a woman he admires. Then it's present day LA where a Hollywood tour operator fights the leprechaun over a woman. Set around St Patrick's Day it's bigger-budgeted and more offensive than the first one. Some good scenes including the guy who thinks two rotating blades are a pair of woman's breasts! The ending is rushed but there's more comic-horror in this movie than in ten Stitches!

Monday, 29 October 2012

IS PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR THE ANSWER?

What do Stitches, Grabbers, Boy eats girl, Wake wood, Dorothy, Daisy chain, Dead meat, Isolation, Shrooms, and Assault of darkness have in common? Correct they're all sh*t Irish horror movies. Stupid, non-scary, unoriginal, derivative, silly, and aimed mostly at teenagers. So what can be done to improve the reputation of Irish horror cinema? Well, why not do something similar to Bergman and Losey and use psychological horror instead? Dialogue driven cinema with actors playing emotionally disturbed people. Surely that would be more interesting than a stupid clown or cow trying to scare the audience?

Sunday, 28 October 2012

CONOR MCMAHON SH-T DIRECTOR!

Dead meat and Stitches show the standard that this guy is working at. Disproves the theory that the best horror films are made by directors who work mainly in this genre. He's the Ian Fitzgibbon of Irish horror cinema!

Saturday, 27 October 2012

Stitches

Latest Irish horror film and like the others this is sh-te. It's Boy eats girl again with the mixed accents, plain-looking teenagers, and complete lack of horror. It's more of a gore movie with the emphasis on people getting killed in graphic detail. The director makes a cameo at the party. Lots of bad rock songs on the soundtrack at 10% of the sound effects' volume. Anyone who thinks Irish cinema is in a healthy state should watch this rubbish. Nevermind, Dollhouse will be out soon!

Friday, 26 October 2012

Leprechaun

A man returns to America from Ireland with gold coins and a leprechaun in the suitcase. The wife gets killed and he ends up in a hospital. A decade later Jennifer Aniston and her dad stay at the couple's house and the leprechaun is still there hunting for his gold coins. Silly and badly-made horror film that has some good moments in later scenes. Only a four-leafed clover can defeat this little monster. Followed by five sequels!

Sunday, 21 October 2012

Shamrocracy

Similar in style to Steamin' and dreamin' this is another spoof movie where real people interact with actors. This time it's a wannabe TD who campaigns against those alarms that remove teenagers from outside shops. Fast-paced and very funny though the ending is a let down. The male actors all resemble the rapper Scroobius Pip with the heavy beards and baseball caps. Appearances from Enda Kenny, Vincent Browne, and Joe Duffy. Highlights include the heckling of Kenny, the microwave door falling off, the Toastmasters talk about chocolate and cheese, and the door-to-door canvassing. This low-budget movie uses several copyrighted pop tunes so this might prevent a wider release? The first Irish feature with THREE directors! The big problem with this impressive film is that it resembles stuff on Network 2 television e.g. Hardy Bucks.

Saturday, 20 October 2012

Hidden

Made for only five grand this is another horror movie. Set in Waterford a pair of twins arrive in a rural area and get bullied in school. It turns out their family are psychopaths and revenge is on the way. Confusing story where the ending explains the earlier scenes, the dialogue is laughable (lots of swearing), nothing happens in the first hour, and of course none of the characters are likable. Lots of amateurish filmmaking on show (a murder scene followed with a close up of a bird!). Still, more impressive than lots of higher-budget horror movies made in this country.

Thursday, 18 October 2012

WILFRID BRAMBELL ANOTHER SAVILE?

In the papers today this deceased Dublin actor is now accused of interfering with kids back in the 1970s. Shame there's no law against making allegations against dead people so all posts about this actor have been removed. That's the era we're in folks!

Monday, 15 October 2012

IS WITHNAIL AND I THE MOST INFLUENTIAL MOVIE ON IRISH CINEMA?

Is it? This famous British cult film from the 1980s deals with two similar but mismatched people who are put into a strange environment with mostly comical results. How many Irish movies use this idea? Zonad Two men escape from a hospital and fool a village that they're aliens. WC Two brothers work for each other mainly in a toilet. Wide open spaces Two men operate a famine theme park in the middle of nowhere. Beyond the pale Two men emigrate to America and try to do well. Disappearance of Finbar Two former friends meet again in Scandanavia. Kisses Two children run away from home and hang out in Dublin city centre. Five minutes of heaven Two former terrorists meet up in a hotel in Northern Ireland. Eamon A woman and her partner fall out at a beach house. Headrush Two lads travel to the Netherlands to buy drugs. Inside I’m dancing Two wheelchair-bound young men move into their own home. Happy ever afters A woman marries a black man for money and heads to the hotel reception. Book that wrote itself A woman makes a documentary about a man travelling around Ireland. Blind flight Two men are locked up together abroad. Summer of the flying saucer Two aliens land in a village in 1960's Ireland. Crooked mile A medical dropout travels to Tramore with a young girl. Honeymooners A man dumped at his wedding travels to Donegal with a female hitchhiker. In Bruges Two criminals visit Belgium to do a job. Dead long enough Two Welsh brothers travel to Northern Ireland to meet an old girlfriend. Adam and Paul Two junkies visit Dublin city centre to buy drugs. Killing Bono Two brothers move to England to start a rock band. Parked A homeless man and a junkie meet each other in a seaside carpark. When Harvey met Bob A rock singer and a promoter meet up to put on Live Aid. I went down A pair of ciminals bring a man from Cork to Dublin. Kiss for Jed A filmmaker follows a young Irish woman around New York.

Saturday, 13 October 2012

WHY ARE IRISH DIRECTORS AFRAID OF SOCIAL REALISM?

To follow on from the below post - if some Irish director did get round to making a film about our recession it would probably star Brenda Fricker as a depressed wife of a man who lost his business and emigrates. Done in a bland TV style with sh-t music in every second scene and kids crying in the airport. What would not happen is a film done in the social realist style. Count these films: Pigs/Pavee Lackeen/Four days in July. That's THREE Irish films made in this style since year one! So what's the problem? We've got the stories, we've got the anger, we've got the desolate areas. We've even got the short films done in this style. Where are the Irish feature films about our recession? They're cheap to make, don't require big-name actors, and can be done with a small crew. Is this the problem? Do these films require too much depth of character and emphasis on exploring society instead of impressing the viewer with cinematography? Is Irish cinema set up to make technically-good but bad films? How out of touch can a country's cinema really be? When historians look at Nazi Germany they can learn about that era from the movies made there (Jew Suss). When future historians look back on 2012 they will ask: 'Why were so many Irish horror films made that year?'

LENNY ABRAHAMSOM - THE BRYAN FORBES OF IRISH CINEMA!

Forgotten director Bryan Forbes was a big name in British cinema back in the 1960s. His films were acclaimed, topical, well-known, easily available, and award winning. Forbes was a hugely respected director with high regard in the industry. The only problem is that his films weren't great. Far better stuff got made in Britain during that decade by better directors which made a bigger impact. Joseph Losey/Ken Russell/Tony Richardson/John Schlesinger/Karel Reisz/Richard Lester/Ken Loach all made Forbes' films look mediocre. Lenny Abrahamson is a similar director to Forbes. Except Irish cinema doesn't have a world-class director to make his films look average. That's why What Richard did is getting four and five stars from Irish critics when it should only be getting 3½.

Wednesday, 10 October 2012

ANGER ON THE STREET BUT NOT THE SCREEN!

Got that adapted title from a letter to the Irish Times last month where someone (from an older post) complained about the crap plays at the recent Dublin Theatre Fringe Festival. So what's happening with Irish cinema lately? A posh rugby guy kills someone (What Richard did), three lads in 1987 visit Ballybunion (My brothers), a spy tries to discover an enemy agent (Ek tha tiger), a woman becomes an IRA grass (Shadow dancer), silly monsters attack locals in Donegal (Grabbers), a documentary crew follows an Irish girl around New York (Kiss for Jed), a woman pretends to be man (Albert Nobbs), a goth tracks down a Nazi war criminal (This must be the place), a woman out sleepwalking finds a dead body (Other side of sleep), a priest sets up a cinema (Stella days), and a woman is targeted by assassins (Haywire). Most of these films could have been made in Ireland ten years ago! We're in a recession yet no-one can make stuff about our economic crisis? Just like the Dublin Theatre Fringe Festival Irish cinema is out of touch and out of date. People losing their jobs, emigrating, attempting suicide, homes repossessed , marriages breaking down, getting hassle from banks yet NOT ONE IRISH FILMMAKER CAN MAKE A MOVIE ABOUT ANY OF THIS? Where's the anger in Irish cinema? It should be up there on screen, not when the film ends and the audience realise they've sat through another crap and pointless Irish movie!

Tuesday, 9 October 2012

WILL THE DIRECTORS OF SNAP AND PAVEE LACKEEN EVER MAKE ANOTHER FEATURE?

With the mediocre and one-dimensional What Richard did getting a laughable FIVE-star review from RTÉ it's a shame that the directors of the two greatest feature films made here in the last decade have yet to deliver a follow-up feature. It's no coincidence that neither were trained as filmmakers yet made far more impressive work than our other 'auteurs' have done. Maybe they have no interest and prefer other areas like photography and theatre? However, the good news is that Graham Cantwell's second feature will be out soon!

Sunday, 7 October 2012

IRISH FILM CRITICS ARE A JOKE!

Today's newspapers are all giving What Richard did good reviews. Mostly four stars, one paper even gives it 4½! These are the same people who scathed Charlie Casanova. Some idiot even said it's the best Irish film in years! What's interesting is that the movie is getting so little press coverage compared with the Hollywood movies out this week. Seems to be because it's an Irish movie they give it a small review yet the new American films are getting larger coverage yet poorer reviews! If another director had made What Richard did would our film critics be so generous with this rather average film?

Saturday, 6 October 2012

What Richard did

Disappointing and flat movie about a young rugby player in college who accidentally kills a teammate. Based no doubt on recent events in Dublin but it's difficult to feel sorry for these privileged people. The first part is fast paced but nothing much happens. Then when the story arrives the film goes downhill. Some good points were the lack of establishing shots, non-stylish cinematography, the interesting conversations, and the group walking together. However, there are much better films with a similar story.

Tuesday, 2 October 2012

FILM BOARD SITE HACKED?

Maybe not hacked but someone has set up a site with the same name using the ORG extension. Here's what's on the main page (shame the hacker doesn't know the difference between the words who's and whose):

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