Wednesday, 29 February 2012

JOHNNY GOGAN IS BACK!

Ireland's hardest-to-check-out director is making a new movie called Black ice. Like most Irish movies it's a hybrid genre film. This time it's a romantic-drama which will no doubt be neither be romantic nor dramatic! None of his other features are available on DVD here but no doubt this one will be much better?

Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Kill the Irishman




Hugely enjoyable crime movie that's let down by routine direction and a lack of a few great scenes. Based on a true account of a guy in Cleveland who falls foul of the unions and the mafia. They try to kill him and it's one death after another. Lots of period detail from the 1960s and '70s. Some of the dialogue is bizarre and it's easy to see why this movie didn't get a wide release over here. This is the kind of commercial stuff our Film Board should be funding - blue collar crime movies instead of that middle-class shi*e they're so fond of.

Monday, 27 February 2012

COMMITMENTS DVD!

Got this last week, some kind of collector's edition with a free music CD. Seems to be the American movie version and the picture quality is really bad. Too bright and the images are grainy. If you see this DVD on sale in the shops be warned!

Sunday, 26 February 2012

THIS MUST BE THE PLACE OUT IN MARCH!

New Irish movie with Sean Penn getting a release in a few weeks.

Saturday, 25 February 2012

STELLA DAYS AGAIN!

Saw a clip from the Late late show and it seems to be about the electrification of Ireland. Done already back in the 1990s in the Irish movie Korea!

Friday, 24 February 2012

STELLA DAYS GETTING BAD REVIEWS!

Not out yet but some of today's newspapers have a review. Surprise, it's getting slated and even better they're questioning its IFTA nominations!

Thursday, 23 February 2012

DIVINE RAPTURE?

Seems this failed movie from the 1990s is getting another go. Also, Into the West is supposed to being remade. So things seem to be coming full circle for recent Irish cinema?

Wednesday, 22 February 2012

CHEERS DOMINICAN REPUBLIC!

Yet another country has accessed this fine blog so cheers Dominican Republic.

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

CHEERS EGYPT!

Not many new countries have accessed this blog recently but one is Egypt so cheers!

Monday, 20 February 2012

IRISH FILM PHOTO EXHIBITION!

In the Stephens' Green shopping centre on the top floor. Not much of the recent Irish movies but there is a good photo of James Stewart standing in O'Connell Street. Same place as the Phil Lynott exhibition but €10 cheaper!

Sunday, 19 February 2012

Daughter of darkness




Not to be confused with the famous vampire film Daughters of darkness. This one is from the 1940s and is in black and white. A young woman gets victimised by her village community and is forced out. Then she moves from Ireland to England and causes more trouble. One of the most impressive Irish-themed films no-one's seen. This bizarre picture has many memorable scenes: McKenna seducing a man, a dog attack, weird organ music, a carnival, and some strange dialogue. Lots of parts are silly and hysterical so an example of a 'good bad movie'!

Saturday, 18 February 2012

AS IF I AM NOT THERE FINALLY PANNED!

Angelina Jolie's directorial effort seems to cover similar ground as the Irish film As if I am not there. However, the Guardian newspaper notes that this IFTA-winning film 'was not particularly well-received in the region. After its premiere, which took place in Sarajevo, it was pretty well ignored.'

IRISH FILM BOARD IS INCOMPETENT!

That's according to the Oscar Wilde awards in America. They've had enough of the IFB and being 'messed around by official Ireland'. Seems the IFB are refusing to help fund these awards. Yet they help to fund the 'superbly' organised IFTAs?

Friday, 17 February 2012

DUBLIN FILM FESTIVAL

Irish features getting a screening include Dollhouse, Finding Joy, Far side of revenge, Tin can man, and the TV movie Saving the Titanic.

Thursday, 16 February 2012

MORE IFTAS COMPLAINTS!

Now the food after the awards ceremony is getting slated. People in the newspapers say that it should have been better for €300! Why don't they read this blog and then be been forewarned about the dire IFTA awards?

Wednesday, 15 February 2012

BRENDA FRICKER AT IT AGAIN!

Not enough being depressed, or suicidal, or claiming she's been blacklisted. Now she's criticising last week's IFTAs! Seems a pair of TV presenters (who weren't on the televised programme) weren't up to the job so Fricker has slated these awards. Nothing to do with not winning at the weekend either? Brenda, WE ALREADY KNOW that the IFTAs are a joke and are badly organised. Shame you didn't?

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

WE NEED TO CREATE OUR OWN CINEMA!

Not a physical cinema but rather our own type of movie genres. We'll never get anywhere ripping off Hollywood no matter how many IFTAs these films win. The best way to create our own cinema is to produce directors with their own styles. These films can then be sold on their names rather than the actor or movie type. Unfortunately the setup in this country is aimed at the jobbing director. From the film schools to the funding schemes to the festivals it's all about the true story/book/screenplay/actors/hype/genre rather than the director. Most world-class directors would get nowhere in Ireland. They are too individual or different to 'fit in' to our industry. That's why we have too many Ian Fitzgibbons and not enough Ivan Kavanaghs.

Monday, 13 February 2012

DAVID KELLY RIP

Instantly recognisable actor who appeared in several well-known titles: Quare fellow, Girl with green eyes, Young Cassidy, Ulysses, Italian job, Philadelphia here I come, Portrait of the artist as a young man, Anne Devlin, Joyriders, Into the West, Moondance, Run of the country, Matchmaker, Waking Ned, Puckoon, and Mystics.

Sunday, 12 February 2012

IT'S OVER!

That song was by An emotional fish. Other awards: score, production design, make up, cinematography in TV, editing in TV, sound, and more sound. That's that. Thanks for reading and all over until 2013!

WHO?

Some Minister now. It's all serious. Hurry up, I'm fed up watching this crap and want to go to Dunnes. Best film? Has to be ... just has to be ... The guard. They're playing that Celebrate song again. What band were they? Great, Best Irish Film with English accents collecting the award?

IS THIS RUBBISH NEARLY OVER PLEASE?

They're laughing at Jim Sheridan for his 50 cent movie, the music is (I think) Jape? Best director category. Bet McDonagh will win. What is it with Irish women directors and out of focus closeups? As expected, so who will collect the award? It's that kid from The guard. Fair play to him.

OLIVIA TREACY

This woman used to give me a funny feeling in my trousers as a kid back in the 1980s when she was on a TV quiz show! Cant' remember this award now! Some Best Actor one. The winner is ... Fassbender. There's only one Fass and that's the director Rainer Fassbinder!

SCRIPT

Thats' the guy from The fifth provence! Super-rare Irish movie (if you don't have Setanta TV). We don't have any good scripts (except for The Guard). The winner is The guard. Here's Cunningham, jerk.

BEST INTERNATIONAL FILM!

Stephen Rea now. Does anyone really give a sh*t which international film wins an IFTA award? Even one person? Same old titles. It goes to TTSS (can't be arsed typing that title out!). At least he kept that speech short!

OFF THE STAGE FINNOULA PART 2!

The guard is not a great movie by any means. Just that there is no bleedin' competition in this country.

IS THIS CRAP OVER YET?

That The artist joke sank! AJ who who who? Looks famous anyway. Best supporting actress now. Maria Doyle Kennedy, Finnoula again, Brenda Fricker, Amy Huberman. Same old (and young) faces! It goes to Finnoula! So why does she get the first award then? Amy's smiling, that's nice! Not another thank you speech.

PART 4 NEXT!

Director in TV, international actor, international actress, costume design, cinematographer, editing, animation, and sports. Well done to all winners.

WHAT A YEAR FOR TELEVISION!

The undertones. That MTV girl has some voice! Needs a haircut. Best TV moment of 2011 was last year's IFTAs! Shamrock Rovers surely?Yeessssssssssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!

THIS SHOW IS SH*TE!

More Cranberries! Look at her, is that a wig? Special Irish language award? What's this? The winner is called 'something and name'. Van Morrison this time. Now the other guy is translating the first guy!

GUNTHER?

This guy looks cool. Great joke! It's not a real guy, it's some crap comedian from RTE! Barry something. The music was Frank and Walters. Some TV category rubbish. How can these things win awards? ICA bootcamp wins to The cranberries. Best Reality TV show is an oxymoron!

KATHRYN THOMAS

Showing off a bit of cleavage. Has anyone seen that Barbra Streisand movie from the 1980s where she plays a man? Well Albert Nobbs is the same kind of movie.

BEST ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAMME!

Surely 'most entertaining' not best? It's Turbridy, what a wan*er! What's all this crap, TV is rubbish. There's that dickhead chef from Mint. Mrs Brown's boys is the only one I know. There's McSavage, another dick. Yes, MBB wins except he won't shut up with the speech!

WHO HE?

Now a clip of Charlie Casanova, same trailer bits, looks OK? I could beat him in a fight though!

WHAT A BORING SHOW!

So on to Part 3! Next award, actress. What's that blue light beside Delaney? Now here's a real movie star: Armande Assante, have a few of his movies on DVD. Looks a bit shook? Quite fancy Marcella, but here's Saoirse so that's that! Yep, same old crap, how many of these belldin' awards will she win? Not there! Probably got fed up with this crap. Her dad accepts the award for her. That blue light?

FINALLY SHE'S FINISHED!

So is our greatest poet. Now for Part 3! Other awards: writer in TV, supporting actor TV, director in TV (Caffrey has gone grey!), factual, kids, documentary (again!), and actor TV.

GET OFF FINNOULA!

She's thanking everyone and boring me! Off the stage Finnoula! Zzzzzzz...

TAKE A BOW FINNOULA!

Her 30 seconds are up! But she's still not speaking English. Seems to be more of a TV actress than a movie one, according to IMDB?

IT'S HIGGINS!

Our greatest living poet! He's talking Irish, and describing our films as creative. Is he standing on a box to reach that podium? It's all bullshit, he's looking around the room. There are no artists in Irish film. Maybe in the experimental stuff but not there tonight. What a deluded man! Is he going to recite one of his poems? Nope, it's Finnoula Flanagan! Bet he won't list that Hollywood movie where she removed her dentures and gave oral sex to some guy in a Jim Carrey movie! It's The Cult, love that song. She was a fine-looking woman in her day. They showing clips from the 'lost' Some mother's son. YES! They DID show that oral sex scene with Jim Carrey, fair play!

SHORT FILM!

It's U2! Now for the Short Film category, Hate these, will anyone watch an Irish short film in 50 years time like they watch Laurel and Hardy short films? Nope! These are all sh*te, think I've seen Foxes. Nope that was an Irish feature ALSO called Foxes. Where are the Oscar-nominated ones, not good enough for the IFTAs? That Foxes wins with tha band who sing Celebrate. That little guy, he's thanking the IFB! Looking forward to the feature, but don't rip off another title used already! Yep, he's just announced a feature.

BEST ACTOR!

Is this Desperate Housewife really his cousin? What a voice! Awful! Supporting, that Cunningham hack, can't act for toffee. Gleeson again, he can't win every year, Hinds too, have we any new faces, Chris O'Dowd from that Bridesmaids. The wiinnnnerrrr is O'Dowd. The women in the audience are wetting themselves with laughter. Must grow a beard!

WHAT'S THIS?

Riverdance crap rap! They're taking a bow and it looks like Diversity the dance troupe? That rap tune is crap too. Short and sh*t. Now Delaney's back with those jowls.

WHAT NEXT!

It's Ash and Huberman. Now for one I have not seen yet and it looks sh*te. Twenty years ago O'Sullivan made December Bride and now this crap. Another Ealing studios rip off? Stella days and it's got nothing to do with Harold's cross!

BEST CURRENT AFFAIRS!

That's a nice dress! This is more like it! Like the way her moves show off that cleavage! Now they're showing the stupid nominee programs. Some care scandal wins. Zzzz! First song of the night I don't recognise. These people are too normal to make good stuff!

NOW FOR PART 2!

Yes we can! Now he's mocking the Film Board, good stuff. It's Mrs Brown with a canary dickie! The only genuinely talented person on that stage tonight! He's making fun of Miriam too! Series or serious documentary? Looks even worse than the last one! More boring. So who or what wins? It's Waterways and they're playing Phil Lynott.

DELANEY AGAIN!

He said 'our industry greats'! We don't have a film industry. Now the bleedin' computer has packed in. Need to restart!

LEAD ROLE IN TV!

The stunning! This looks rubbish! Nominees, best actress on TV; thought we had this award already? TV acting is sh*te, how can they give awards for this. Aisling O'Sullivan is one messed up lady, in a sexy way! It goes to Ruth Negga, who looks as Irish as ... Her accent is too posh too! She was in Trafficked, that was a terrible film. She's doing more talking on that stage than she did in that entire movie!

THAT'S NO MCDONAGH!

That Roscommon actor is taking the piss big time! All the women ni the audience are roaring with laughter at his antics. Girls, we know you fancy a man from laughing at his humour. Just don't make it so obvious?

IFB RISING STAR!

That's some award, it's Colm Meaney junior! McDonagh wins for The guard. Boring!

MARTIN MCCANN!

From Killing Bono! Now he's explaining The guard. It's the trailer! Gleeson looks pleased.

IT'S MIRIAM!

Am I the only Irish male who does not find this woman attractive? She's saying 'talented filmmakers'. It's documentary time, hate these things. Truimph of the will, now that was a real doc. Some Troubles doc wins, yawn and they're playing music from The corrs! It's Cruella DeVille from 101 dalmations! Now she's reciting some crap poetry from our President, Higgins!

BEST DRAMA!

Now he's doing a Ricky Gervais and plugging his DVDs. Charlene McKenna is on and she looks about 15. TV drama is rubbish and only for failures in cinema e.g. David Caffrey. This one looks good though. The others, nah. All over-directed and pretentious. So who wins? Yeaaaaahhh, Love/hate. Used to be a metal band in the 1990s but now a crap Irish TV crime show.

THERE'S THE GUY FROM COWBOYS AND ANGELS!

Some actress award, same old faces, must be for TV as it's looks rubbish. Ruth Negga. So who wins? It goes to someone I've never heard of (with a big pair of knockers). They're playing music by Something happens, they were sh*te too.

NOW HE'S MENTIONING SHORT FILMS!

More jokes, this time about Westlife. Genuine hit film he say. Not 'films'! There's Gleeson with a beard, doesn't work.

BORED WITH THIS NOW!

That was The confused, some kind of mock horror. Now here's Delaney again, fat pr*ck. Being Irish he says. There's Brenda still scowling, Finnoula, Brendan, and BOD? What is he doing there? Michael D is here too, hope he's not asked to recite his poetry! Our very own Michael Fassbender, he's German?

LOTS OF BAD WEATHER!

Some kind of spoof intro trailer and looks as bad as expected. There's Simon Delaney and blood on walls. Wasn't Huberman in a crap Irish horror movie already called Legend of the bog where she got her head removed? Hate those black and white things that are in colour! Is this supposed to be funny? What's with that Yank voiceover accent? Lots of special effects but still rubbish.

IFTAS 2012!

That time of year again and a big event last night. But enough about the France Ireland rugby match getting cancelled let's concentrate on the IFTAs!

Saturday, 11 February 2012

TEN THINGS THE IFTAS GET WRONG!

That time of year again and this blog is already bored with slagging our IFTAs. That's the Irish Film and Television Academy awards. So instead of another snarky post here are ten things the IFTAs are not doing well.

IRISH FILM SUPPLEMENT IN TODAY'S DAILY MAIL!

That's the Irish daily mail newspaper. As expected there are a few ads for the colleges for young wannabe jobbing filmmakers. A rundown on tonight's esteemed IFTA awards with a few small articles. Nothing of interest and all published before.

Friday, 10 February 2012

IRISH CINEMA IS LIKE MICHAEL D HIGGINS' POETRY!

Doubt many outside Ireland realise that our new President is also a poet. However, some leading academic has called into question the quality of his writing. This professor says that it's not poetry but rather just ramblings. After hearing a recital of some of Higgins' poetry Shoot the cabbage can see what the critic means. So, here's the (usual) question: where is the critic of Irish cinema? Where's the Professor of Film Studies saying that most Irish films are not real cinema? That most Irish directors are not talented filmmakers? Our film awards are for medocrity?

Thursday, 9 February 2012

NEW FILMS ON THE WAY!

Same as last year; a lot of titles getting made but few will do well. For 2012 the list of 18 titles include: Charlie Casanova (mentioned in several previous posts), Byzantium (Jordan's new one, not worth the interest), Jump, King of the travellers, Life's a breeze, Love eternal, Sanctuary (title already used by Tony Richardson), Shadow dancer (already mentioned), Silence, Stitches grindle (GREAT title!), What Richard did (Lenny Abrahamson's new one), Finding joy. No doubt one or two will be good but the rest certainly won't. It's the same old tosh from our Film Board but can't blame them when Irish cinema is so conservative, lifeless, and televisual?

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

FILM BOARD GIVE €50K FOR PRE-PRODUCTION OF INTO THE WEST REMAKE!

Thought this was a joke in today's newspaper but apparently Jim Sheridan wants to remake Into the West and our Film Board has thrown him 50 grand for pre-production purposes. Not that many outside this blog cares but here are a few problems with this: Sheridan is a sh*t director and state money should be given to newer 'talents'; the original movie was rubbish so why do we need another one; why does Sheridan need 50 grand anyway (surely his reputation could entice this from private sources); also I thought we had moved on from these kind of silly 'magical' movies? Just because the original version got made before the current Board existed is no reason to remake it? Also, his daughter is a Board member. Does anyone else in Ireland notice these things?

Tuesday, 7 February 2012

Monday, 6 February 2012

ANOTHER VARIETY ARTICLE ON IRISH FILM!

According to today's newspapers where Grabbers gets a mention. The review notes the impressive scenery used in the film! Good to see that Irish film is getting noted abroad for the locations used instead of any quality?

Sunday, 5 February 2012

VARIETY ARTICLE ON IRISH FILM

Just one of the four best picture nominees at the Irish Film & TV Awards has been released in Ireland. That highlights both how few Irish movies are made each year, and how hard it is for them to get local distribution. That might be true. But another reason is that IFTAs are a fix and ignore the low-budget Irish releases. The IFTAs are used as a selling point for new releases that no-one has seen. Instead they should be rewarding previous releases since the last awards.

Saturday, 4 February 2012

OUR CHILD ACTORS ARE RUBBISH!

Had a look at the famous French film Forbidden games this week. Now there's an impressive movie using children in lead roles. So how come Irish movies with children are so bad? From the awkward acting in Kisses to the dire Into the West to the amateurish Mickybo and me to rubbish like Under the hawthorn tree. It seems that when Irish filmmakers use children it's for family-oriented stuff. Forbidden games is a powerful anti-war film that uses natural acting from kids. In this country it's usually Tops of the town-type acting from the junior members of cast. When the acting is uniformly bad the directors are at fault. So that must be it: our directors are not talented enough to get good acting performances out of children.

Friday, 3 February 2012

MAJOR COUP FOR IRISH FILM INDUSTRY!

That's the headline this week in our newspapers. Thing is it's for new TELEVISION productions getting made here. Directors involved are the jobbing hacks Ian Fitzgibbon and Kieron Walsh. So that great news for Irish crews and zero news for Irish cinema. Someone should tell the Irish examiner newspaper that TV and cinema are different?

Thursday, 2 February 2012

CHARLIE CASANOVA MURAL!

In Temple Bar. What's that about? Is this going to be the first proper Irish cult movie in years?

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Haywire

There nothing better than seeing the streets you walk each day appearing on the big screen. Set around the Shelbourne Hotel there's a great chase scene on the rooftops along Abbey Street. The rest of the movie is rather dull but watchable (impressive music). It's about a woman who recalls her adventures in Ireland and Spain as various people try to kill her. Some of the action scenes are silly but what would you expect from this kind of picture? Enjoyed that chase sequence from Stephen's Green onto Grafton Street (with a race through my local Burger King!).

Followers

Blog Archive