Wednesday, 3 June 2015

MORE AWARDS

Could Caroline and the one in the red dress stand a bit closer? Director in film, Patrick Bergin, looks shooked. None should get it! Lenny wins, and he's not there! After last year maybe? Big award of the night, best of Irish filmmaking? I know already who won this one, it's the one this blog won't review because it's not live action. None of these films will be remembered in a few years but does anyone care? That Noble was the best of the lot but what would I know? That stupid animation won! What a pile of crap! How can a stupid cartoon win this? Sean Bean, for Jim Sheridan, make them all watch that horror movie he disowned! Family theme, it's 50! Good clips there. Fair play, no new Irish director has been as successful, it's a shame earlier directors like Brenon and Hurst who were just as successful are completely forgotten. Let the party begin! See you next year, miles better than last year's!

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

And why are there speeches so short? What did Terry win? 30 seconds to comply! Caroline in a new dress! Rising star award! Graham Cantwell, not! Sarah wins again! Amy doesn't look pleased, a bit of new competition! Actress, Charlie Murphy wins, who? Here's Amy, leading actor in film, Moe wins! He's got a beard, must be in that Vikings series? Drama now, David Murray should get an award for attacking women! Love/hate wins, good metal band from the 1990s but who remembers them?

THE SHOW STARTS

I'm excited too Louise! Show on the road. Funny joke, not! Supporting actress in drama. Peter Coonan is the new Simon Delaney! This is all TV? Who? Short and sweet. It's Sarah, supporting actor drama. Hold on, these are all TV? I thought this was for film? Stephen, short thank you again. Andrew Scott, supporting actress, Noble wins! What's with the short thank yous? Where's Brenda Fricker? McGinley, reading the prompt. Best actress, Noble again! Thought she was a comedian not an actress. Seventh attempt to win too! Well done Deirdre, fair play and all that. It was a very good movie. Amanda, actors in TV, haven't seen any, Aiden wins.

IFTAS 2015!

It's that time again, the world's worst film awards! TV3 are showing this crap. That one in the red dress, I'd like to be pouring over her best bits! They're showing the behind the scenes first. Crap techno music, that guy's not Simon Delaney? Who's arriving and what are they wearing? Amy Huberman as usual. Miriam O'Callaghan, less feminine than Bruce Jenner! Deirdre O'Kane again. Sarah Greene is too pretty to play that old bag in a movie. Caroline Morahan, at least one lady there tonight! Is this a fashion show or film awards? Where's your dress from? What is this sh-te? Mary Murray, with no tracksuit on? Nine minutes in and people are still arriving! Sean Bean, at least one star is there! That male presenter must be gay for not staring at his co-host's cleavage! Prepping socks off, exactly! The first time I don't want to gawk at Caroline!

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