WHY DID THE IRISH FILM BOARD FU*K IT UP FOR A DECADE?

Back in 1993 there were great celebrations when the Irish Film Board got re-established. Everyone expected another Neil Jordan to appear, Oscars getting flung at us, school leavers wanted to study filmmaking, and new Irish films were to rival Ulysses! However it soon dawned that things like this were not going to happen. Instead we got loads and loads of sh*te. Stuff so bad that some titles will never be seen again!

WHAT'S WITH ZONAD DOING WELL ABROAD?

If there's one recent Irish movie that everyone agreed was complete sh*te it was Zonad. However it's been reported* that the film is getting rave reviews at the Tribeca Film Festival. What's going on? Is Zonad better than we thought? Do the foreign cineastes see something in this low-budget (€800,000) movie that the average Irish person has missed? They want the film to be a sleeper hit - one that builds by word of mouth. Will this happen? Is Zonad destined for future cult status. Can the director of Once do no wrong? Do they find the sight of a guy urinating on another man who's tied to a tree hilarious? Or is it just all the usual festival hype? Only time will tell but I for one will never change my opinion on this atrocious movie.
*Evening Herald, 30-4-2010

GERRY RYAN R.I.P.

It's a sad day that one of Ireland's more controversial personalities passed away. On an Irish movie site Gerry Ryan should be mentioned as he appeared (as himself) in Spin the Bottle. He played his role for laughs, poked fun at himself, and sent up his RTE image. Whatever your opinion of the man is, his early death is shocking.

WHAT'S AN 'IRISH MOVIE'?

The debate continues about this. What exactly is an Irish movie? There are various kinds of feature films that are considered 'Irish'.

Situations vacant

Another video feature this one is about three guys who look for work and love! Yes, it's as bad as it sounds though it has a certain bland innocence that makes it likeable. The usual scenes of guys sitting at bars and meeting women. Almost like a young filmmakers co-op effort? Full of a young cast (with hairgel!) the movie plods along without anything remotely interesting nor controversial. Still, an interesting, privately-funded effort that got a cinema release.

WHERE TO SEE OLD IRISH MOVIE POSTERS AND STILLS?

Never seen this mentioned anywhere else? There's a hotel in Camden Street in Dublin where they have old movie posters and stills of Irish films on the walls in the reception. Very impressive. It's in the Camden Deluxe across from the Fresh supermarket. Worth a look if you're ever passing as it's just inside the front door. Don't go up the steps though - it's through the door to the right of that!

Headrush

Say that word again! H.E.A.D.R.U.S.H! That sounds like a great movie! Headrush, it'll rush your head! Wow. I'm excited to see this so! Full of exciting stuff that will alter your perceptions? Afraid not. It's rubbish actually. A '90s drugs movie made a decade too late. Out of date and out of time. It tries to be hip and 'with it man'! It fails. Say it again! H-e-a-d-r-u-s-h! There's an exciting title for a dull movie. There's this guy see who can't get a job. Neither can 438,000 other people! Except this was made in the Celtic Tiger era where everyone had ambitions to succeed. So this fella organises a lottery and the winner gets to bring drugs back from Holland. Inside a souvenir windmill! It's that contrived. Back in the '90s this script felt like a breath of fresh air in the midst of IRA movies and telefilms set in the '50s. Except now it's just embarrassing. Actually I get it now - make a contrived, stupid, unoriginal drugs movie and the audience will get a headrush from shaking their head when they watch this crap. That's actually funny!

Eamon

This is one of the Catalyst projects. In other words it was made under a low-budget filmmaking scheme of €¼ million. That's a lot of money for such a minimalistic film. Sure it could have cost even less? Set on a beach in Wexford the movie is about a little brat who causes tension between his two parents. Except we don't know if they really are married. After about an hour the movie gets really silly and contrived. There are some good parts to it though: the slow pace; the poverty; the strange scene of the mother floating out to sea; the local girl who never moved away from the area. But the impression is that a lot of the scenes are not done well. I tried to like this movie as it attempts to be different but it got really bad in the last ½ hour.

Halo effect

There was a big hullabaloo about this movie a few year back because it was unavailable for a long time. Then it appeared on DVD in XtraVision for under a tenner. I actually like this film to an extent. Sure it's quite bad with awful acting and miscasting but that Fiona O'Shaughnessy is the sexiest actress in Irish cinema. It's the era of the early '90s where everyone acted the eejit. The cast work in a Dorset Street chipper. There's a girl who photographs everything, a nutcase courier, several gangsters,and a few homeless. Then there's a Super 8 sequence and a game of snap. What's impressive is the collection of after-hours people and the surreal setting of a late night chipper where anything can happen. Best scene had the dwarf falling out of a window.

Brothers McMullen

A few years back the director of About Adam was proclaiming himself to be the Irish Woody Allen! Well The Brothers McMullen is closer to Allen's style than any other Irish-related film. There are lots of chat, egotistical characters, funny cuts in the middle of dialogue, and voiceovers. It's a very low-budget movie ($28,000) about three Irish-Americans who all use their full first names. They have women problems, don't seem to do much work, drink a lot, and walk everywhere. It's an interesting film in that most other male movie characters have little to say. Best scene was with the banana - so true. Strange that the director has made several other features but with little success?

High spirits

My, oh my, does anyone remember this movie? It was Neil Jordan's effort to crack the Hollywood market but was ruined by bad editing. The movie is so badly put together that a lot of it makes no sense. Before we get to know the characters the action starts. You just don't care. Reckon there must has been lots of American tourists who wanted to stay in that castle er movie set. Interesting how the stars have all faded over the last two decades. Back then they were major box office attractions. There are ghosts and scary bits - it's more of a silly kids' movie but aimed at adults. Many scene contradict each other e.g. the ghosts can be passed through but later they can be danced with. Thought the music score was really good but it belonged in a better movie.