Legend of Longwood

Very few Irish movies aimed at kids and they're all rubbish. This latest addition is no different. A schoolgirl moves from America to Ireland and tries to save a herd of horses (white of course). They are due to get killed in order to renovate a castle and its land once a woman marries the owner. Too advanced for kids, confusing for adults, and laughably unoriginal. Lots of decent scenes followed by bad ones. It's like bits taken from different movies to make a decent trailer. I can't see too many kids following the story here with everything rushed and events happening at once with some nifty animation to explain backstory. Even better, some characters die shortly after they appear, off screen of course (one comes back in the closing credits). There's a really strange scene with two kids about to kiss each other slowly with some Barry White-type song playing on their record player. Like a movie version of an afternoon TV drama financed by some Euro-pudding scheme this is terrible. I know what happened, it's too tame - the baddies are not evil enough, the caretaker not kind enough, the school bully not nasty enough, Glascott not sexy enough, this whole thing is just lame. There are far better films similar to this. It's like Black ice vs Fast and furious.

Title: Legend of Longwood
Genre: Kids
New/old: New
Cinema/DVD: Cinema