Shooting for Socrates

Not sure why anyone would make a movie about Northern Ireland's disastrous World Cup performance in 1986 but here it is! Better than the other Irish titles (Best, Studs) but appears contrived and flat. Probably sounded good on paper but poorly executed and unsure of its point? What's the connection with footballer Socrates anyway? Similar in production values to Killing Bono: stays in first gear; worse than it sounds; set in the past but with present day values/nostalgia; local 'characters'; mildly funny; lots of songs on the soundtrack; celebrates failure; and a feel good vibe. Some good parts were the Protestant players visiting a Catholic church in Mexico to light candles, the kid crying at the end, the SLF covers on the soundtrack, and the manager accepting bribes from the press for interviews with his players. Best part was it explains where that 'We're not Brazil we're Northern Ireland' chant came from. One annoyance was the referent to 'Southern Ireland' in the continuity credits - there's no such place, it's just 'Ireland' (check the Constitution). Also, why does EVERYONE in these Northern Ireland movies live in terraced homes? Have they no bungalows/semis/apartments up there?

Title: Shooting for Socrates
Genre: Football
New/old: New
Cinema/DVD: DVD

Monged

Another of those student Filmbase features, requiring three directors! A group of mismatched lads take/sell drugs and visit various Dublin nightspots. It's Get up and go meets Standby with a touch of Headrush but more enjoyable to watch. But, several old Irish movies already used Dublin rave scenes (Snakes and Ladders) so nothing new here. The main actors are good and so is the script. One guy (Gerry Ryan's son) is gay but gets his girlfriend pregnant, the other is an office nerd, while the last is a wannabe-gangster/scumbag who's lost his friends. It's this last guy who can really act. What this movie lacked was violence, the cathartic scene at the end needed a good fight not dialogue. Just too samey and unoriginal which was probably the point. After all, if you're going to pay over SIX GRAND to do this Masters course the last thing you want is to take risks.

Title: Monged
Genre: Drugs
New/old: New
Cinema/DVD: Cinema

Grasscutter

For anyone fed up with IRA movies here's a UVF one! Set in New Zealand (with flashbacks to the North) it's about an informer who lives under a new name. The terrorists arrive Down Under to kill him. The local police get involved and try to figure out what's going on. Made back in the 1980s this is similar in style to Cry of the innocent. Has a routine thriller feel with some great scenery, tragic killings, police wearing sharp suits, strange haircuts, rugby, family strife, and a rural finale. Why does the main guy keep his Nordie accent when he's hiding out in another country? Completely forgotten, never mentioned in books on Irish cinema, but available on DVD in charity and game shops.

Title: The grasscutter
Genre: Loyalist
New/old: Old
Cinema/DVD: DVD

COUNTRY VIEWS

Here are the countries that have accessed Shoot the Cabbage the most. Seems to be more popular outside of Western Europe.
Ireland (highest views)
United States
Russia
United Kingdom
Germany
France
Czech Republic
Ukraine
China
Latvia

Pursuit

Another Irish release that crawls into cinemas without much fanfare or publicity. It's a gangster film updating of an old legend. A couple goes on the run avoiding bullets and baddies. Lots of famous faces appear with several unknown ones. Fast paced and aimed at the multiplex this is an above average effort. In fact, it's quite unique in Irish cinema for using so many cuts in the edit to speed up the story. Lots of jump cuts and plot twists. Also impressive is how loud the songs on the soundtrack are. Most Irish movies have the songs fade in quietly but never reach their full impact. What's missing is a good set piece. Trojan Eddie meets Black ice meets Perrier's bounty. But better than any of those. They can use that quote for the DVD release!

Title: Pursuit
Genre: Gangster
New/old: New
Cinema/DVD: Cinema

MOVE THE IRISH FILM BOARD TO PORTUGAL!

Summit tells me this could be a good idea. Let taxpayers over there contribute for a change. Make all films in Portugese and this would have a ready market in Brazil. Might even win an Oscar for best Foreign Language Film? Better weather too and more attractive women, that would put Amy Huberman out of work. Then rename the IFTAs the PFTAs and no more daft Irish language shorts. Then close Ardmore for good, the RDS of film studios.

CALLBACK QUEEN RELEASED!

Graham Cantwell's latest 'masterpiece' is finally in a cinema, Dundrum to be exact. Finally, the follow up to one of the greatest cinematic efforts ever made in this country. How many of those knobs on FMN posting "Graham is a friend of mine" will bother to go see it? For some unknown reason, it's getting 1-star reviews from the newspapers. Do they not recognise 'genuine' talent? Why or why are we losing our greatest filmmaking talent to other countries? With Cantwell and Kirsten Sheridan moving abroad what hope is there for the country. Thank goodness all these Syrians are arriving!

VERONICA GUERIN DVD

Not a recommendation, but the lost Irish movie When the sky falls is now available on DVD. Long lost and forgotten it's yet another movie that got there first but went of circulation while the later 'official' version became the accepted release.

Pigman murders

A bunch of lads visit Connemara to remember a friend who died of cancer. They get killed by two people wearing pig masks. This is like a horror version of Hardy bucks meets The stag. It's complete rubbish but still watchable. Found-footage film that's badly done but some scary moments. Two of the group start fighting for no reason and there's one scene where a guy is cut open yet his friend talks to him like he only fainted. Everyone in this movie looks like their best days are gone. There's nothing new or different here. They look too old to be running around these hills. For some reason the director calls himself SPK (instead of his full name). Wasn't that an old industrial band?

Title: The pigman murders
Genre: Horror
New/old: New
Cinema/DVD: DVD

You're ugly too

Gillen gets out of jail and looks after his niece (he killed her dad). They move to a caravan park and meet a woman from Belgium. That's it, nothing else story wise. Character drama that is similar in tone to an earlier Irish film (Crooked mile). With lots of indie-dirge music on the soundtrack (piano, guitar, glockenspiel), the film is so slight that it's interesting enough. Very bland with boring dialogue and similar in style to several recent Irish titles which can't be a coincidence. Good debut from the director, hope he makes more stuff like this. What I liked about this movie was the lack of establishing shots, it was more interested in exploring characters' interactions with each other than showing off the camera. Other than that it's forgettable and slight. The title comes from a doctor joke, second opinion.

Title: You're ugly too
Genre: Family drama
New/old: New
Cinema/DVD: Cinema

SCREEN IRELAND PROVES IRISH FILM HAS FAILED!

Now that our beloved Film Board is getting renamed what does this show? Back over twenty years we have failed to produce a new Jim Sheridan or Neil Jordan. Not that must Irish directors wanted to emulate these overrated filmmakers but they're are still our most successful. Even worse, very few Irish films have done well at the box office and the ones that have usually employed a British director. To acknowledge this failure the Irish Film Board is no more. It's not film now it's 'screen'. That mean television series/documentaries/animation/shorts, anything that fits on a screen, big or small. The kind of stuff this blog won't review or discuss. Because let's face it, it's not true cinema. Our Film Board has been very good avoiding 'cinema' over the years. Most of our success involves cartoons or documentaries. We have not produced a world-class director in decades. Not one Irish person is producing a body of original work that stands out. Forget Lenny Abrahamson and Gerard Barrett. Those guys are 'art-house imitators'. Their films are check-the-box fare, stylish and lifeless. The Film Board is no more. Now it's Screen Ireland. This 'Ireland' means the Republic and not Northern because like their football team they are punching above their weight. Unlike us. Irish Film has failed and the Board realises. New Irish filmmakers are more interested in TV shows and animation than making anything worthwhile in cinema.