Taffin

It's a known fact that some of the best Irish movies were made in the era between the two Film Boards (late '80s/early '90s). Though Taffin is no great movie it stands out in a way because it's so entertaining. Brosnan is a local outcast because he's too smart and good looking! Doody is the sexy conquest - no other Irish movie has such attractive leads! Then there's the sight of Twink on a motorbike! A power plant is due to get made in Wicklow and only Taffin can stop this. It's like the Glenroe cast getting hassle from the Fair City cast! If only more Irish movies could be this entertaining and commercial?

Winter's end

Little-seen Kilkenny movie filmed on video and funded privately (the Film Board helped with the post production). It's about a deranged farmer who has no family so he kidnaps a posh guy to impregnate a woman! Sounds more interesting than it is due to the conservative and routine filmmaking used. Lots of powerful music on the soundtrack that just distracts the audience. Then there are flashbacks that confuse and the kidnapped guy is too useless to escape! Shame, because the script is good and the acting is too. It's like something you'd expect to see at an amateur videomakers' film festival! Still, an influential title because some later Irish movies (W.C. , 8.5 hours, Situations vacant) copied this style where a low-budget digital feature is made to look like an expensive telefilm.

THE TEN BEST IRISH FILMS OF THE 2000S

It wasn't all Celtic Tiger movies in the noughties. In between that crap a small number of good films got made here. Yes, even better than Summer of the Flying Saucer! Here is Shoot the Cabbage's list of the ten best Irish movies from the last decade (2000 to '09).

Strength and honour

Diddley eye, diddley dee. What could this movie be? Is it a gritty boxing film or a load of old twee? I tell you now and save you the expense, don't rent this rubbish as it makes no sense! There's a Mr Blond but alas with boxing he's not fond! But his little boy is ill so to pay the bill he gets to fu*k with the King of the Puc. That's all it is with a big, big fight. Just forget this crap - it's a crock of sh*te!

THE TEN BEST IRISH FILMS OF THE 1980S

Ah, maybe not the best decade for cinema but there were some decent Irish movies made back then. Some are forgotten, others didn't make much of an impact on release, and a few more are famous (though not popular enough to get a DVD release!). Here is Shoot the Cabbage's selection of the ten best Irish movies of the 1980s.

TEN USELESS IRISH FILM DIRECTORS!

Here at Shoot the Cabbage what needs to be said gets said! There are too much politeness and niceness in Irish cinema and this is not a good thing! Too much blackslapping and acclaim for people who make feature films that stink! So if you decide to buy or rent an Irish movie read this article first and then look at the DVD cover so you will be forewarned about the film's true quality!

When Brendan met Trudy

Absolutely awful movie that everyone thought was great when it came out! The reason was because it was fast-paced, zany, fun, and anarchic - or at least tried to! It was a modern comedy set in Dublin aimed at a young audience. It featured non-nationals, clubs, bars, cafés, and was one of the first Celtic Tiger movies. The fact that it was unoriginal rubbish was ignored by most people. Brendan is a film buff who only watches mainstream cinema. Trudy was a criminal who falls for Brendan. Various far better movies are parodied (hate seeing this in films). They wave at the internet camera on O'Connell Bridge. Yet another movie I'd love to see a sequel to made a decade on.

IRISH CINEMA NEEDS A HARRISON BIRTWISTLE!

Who the heck is Harrison Birtwistle? He's an English modern composer who was respected but not well known. No, not another Michael Nyman composing piano ditties for people drinking in Starbucks! Think the opposite. In the mid'90s his new work was performed at the televised Proms. For those who don't know the Proms is the Late Late Show of British classical music! All bland, sing-a-long predictable music - the kind of stuff you hear on TV commercials and performed in public parks by brass bands. Nice music for the family! The only problem was that Birtwistle's new composition was the opposite - loud, angry, out of tune, energetic, and original. A near riot erupted! People were shocked, switchboards were jammed, and pet dogs lying near the family TV started whining! It was the kind of stuff most 'lovers' of classical music had never heard before. It was the best publicity any modern composer could get! So what's my point? Well that's what we need in Irish Cinema. A filmmaker here who can do the visual equivalent of Birtwhistle's 'Panic' composition!

Angela's ashes

If there was an award for the most overrated film director Alan Parker wouldn't win but he might get nominated! There was a big buzz made about him here back in the '90s because of The Commitments. Sadly most of his stuff has been found out as bloated, overdirected, and dated. Though not his worst movie Angela's ashes is one example. It's another movie done like a telefilm - expensive production values used to tell a story of poverty. Nothing is underplayed, nothing is left for the audience to discover. Everything is shown or the audience is told by a voiceover. It's aimed a wide audience - the kind of people who don't like cinema much. Even the young kid who plays the main character looks like he was chosen for his appearance on the poster rather than any acting ability. It's like The Magdalene Sisters - wait until the book comes out and then put predictable moving images to it so the audience will know what to expect! The saddest part is that this is considered good filmmaking in Ireland. Tree of the wooden clogs it's most definitely not!

WILL WE EVER HAVE AN 'IRISH NEW WAVE'?

Critics of Irish cinema have moaned that nothing new is done here. Films we think are great bomb in other countries. We even had to set up our own awards called the IFTAs as our films receive little recognition internationally. The answer to the question 'will we ever have an Irish new wave' is a resounding NO!

Watermelon

This is really a TV movie and a short one at that. It's directed by the English-born Kieran Walsh (When Brendan met Trudy). Anna Friel finishes college and moves to London where she meets a guy who looks like James McEvoy except he's not. She gets pregnant and returns to Dublin. She meets up with her old Irish boyfriend but the English guy follows her. Yes, it's another Irish chick flick. Nothing interesting happens, the characters are all nice, and it's set in the Celtic Tiger era. We don't care about the story and the movie is too bland. Then there's a stupid finale set in a trendy bar that has probably closed down now.