It's a Bank Holiday Monday and this blog has too much time to spare! So here is a list of awful clichés in modern Irish film.
1. Trip to the country
Almost every Dublin set movie has this scene e.g. Trouble with sex.
2. The establishing shot
Most movies have this at the beginning but Irish movies have a new use for the establishing shot. Let's use it every twenty minutes e.g. Parked.
3. Retirement home
Visiting the mammy in the retirement home e.g. Trafficked where a middle-aged woman wants to hear some old 78 rpm record even though she is probably young enough to prefer Tom Jones!
4. Piano on the soundtrack
This is called the Ordinary people cliché. That movie had a piano soundtrack that tried to make the audience cry. Now thirty years on practically every Irish movie needs an Erik Satie-style piano on the soundtrack. Usually in every scene too! You know the composer has no talent when he tinkles and plays the same notes and chords over and over. Best bit is that it's not even a piano but some crap synth gets used e.g. Parked!
Every immigrant in an Irish movie will be exploited or threatened by criminals. They will be more intelligent than most Irish but won't understand the differences between the real Ireland and the Tourist Board one e.g. Front line.
6. Indie bands on the soundtrack
Another sh*t Irish band with no originality in another sh*it Irish movie with no originality. The scene is almost over so let's put some rubbish song on the soundtrack to wake the audience e.g. Speed dating.
7. Blue rinse
Maybe there's a more correct term for this but most new Irish films have to look blue. Not a blue movie but rather the image appears this colour. Some kind of post-production process where the colours are drained to give a dark-blue look. It's sh*t and looks too stylish. Style over content e.g. Rewind.
8. Same actors
Even the Carry on films have more variety in the acting roles! Are there only thirty screen actors in Ireland? Do we really need to watch the same faces in all our movies?
9. Out-of-focus closeups
This is a new trend, extreme close ups which go out of and back in focus. What's that about? It just looks silly and pretentious e.g. Other side of sleep.
Film that appear slick and stylish are more suited to television than the cinema. That's why most of our filmmakers are really TV directors. When they have nothing to say they concentrate of the look of the film. That's why these films look great but appear lifeless.
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