TEN THINGS TO HATE ABOUT IRISH CINEMA!

It's been a quiet few months in terms of movie releases. Looking back over the titles reviewed here so far it's apparent that there are more turkeys than prize hens. Anyway, here's a list of things Shoot the Cabbage hates about Irish cinema.

Respectable directors
We all know who they are. The people who make one feature every few years and no-one says a bad word about its poor quality because they are respected. Really sad but that's Ireland for you.

Good Irish movies that are not available on DVD
I'm convinced that a decade from now the current crop of filmmakers and films will be forgotten because titles like Quackser Fortune, I went down, Clash of the ash, and Pigs will finally get a DVD release. People will realise how bad most of today's Irish filmmakers really are.

Ingnoring successful Irish directors working abroad
Just shows the insular mindset of Irish cinema when someone like John Moore gets ignored here.

Fair City/Glenroe actors
Whoever these people's agent is he or she should get an honoury IFTA award. No new Irish movie is complete without a miscasted face from our favourite soaps. Have we no other acting 'talent' in the country?

Trying to do genre
Is is a horror movie? Is it a screwball comedy? Nope, it's just some weak attempt to copy an American genre without giving anything new to it. Do any of these people actually watch the movies they are trying to emulate?

Sh*t rock bands on the soundtrack
Need to give a scene a bit of punch to get the audience involved? Easy, just put a crap song from some crap band who've sold out Whelans and that will do the trick. Heck, lets keep the volume really low in the mix too?

Let's put moving pictures to theatre/novels
There's this great play see? It's won awards all over the world. Or there's this best-selling book? Let's turn these into movies because everyone knows a successful play or book means a successful film!

Let's claim every single movie made here as our own
OK, so what if the director/producer/screenwriter is a Brit or Yank? Sure isn't the second assistant cameraman from Clare and most of the movie got filmed along the Shannon. That's an Irish movie mate!

Let ignore the Nordie projects
Yes, lets do. Because they are usually better made, more confident, more comerical, darker, and interesting.

Hype, hype, and more
It's a great new Irish movie because: it got made, it won at a fourth-tier American festival, the director previously made a great short, it's got actors from Father Ted in it, it's based on a true story, it's based on a church scandal, it gave lots of people jobs, it stars a famous Hollywood actor or actress, it's in the Irish language, it stars the son/daughter of a famous Irish actor/actress, it's from the producers of a successful Irish TV series, it's directed by the son/daughter of a famous Irish director, or it's about the Troubles.