NEW IRISH FILM BOARD CEO?

Word on the street is that the Film Bored will be looking for a new CEO soon. Chances are that some top international talent will be applying for the job. So how can one stand out at the interview? Never fear as Shoot the Cabbage offers all potential candidates some ready-made suggestions when asked 'what would you do differently with the IFB?'.

Get rid of Kirsten Sheridan
Not only should she be kicked off the Board but all future funding for her 'projects' should cease immediately. Also, how about claiming back some of that €217 grand loaned to her?

Stop funding sh*te
No more funding for completely crap projects. Mistakes have been made with rubbish like Zonad and Summer of the flying saucer. Never again please!

Stop funding short films!
How are filmmakers supposed to learn the harsh realities of funding their feature when they expect the Board to hand over a big wad of cash just because they got taxpayers' money to make a crap short? These state-funded short films have done more harm than good?

Never again fund an IRA prison film
The reason is simple. Hunger is the best IRA prison movie ever made. No amount of funding from the Board will produce a movie as good again. So why bother?

Stop funding Nordie projects
Sure maybe in the Board's detailed guidelines from their Department they treat Irish film as coming from both sides of the border. But guess what? They don't do the same up North. So that means that the money down here is given to Nordie projects such as Cherrybomb (yes I know no-one but myself has paid to see this movie in the cinema!) while up North they couldn't give a sh*te about Southern projects. Rightly so. Why should they - when most films made up there are usually much better?

Give post-production funding to privately-funded features
You've invested your communion/confirmation/redundancy money on making a black and white 16mm feature? But there's no cash left to make a few prints or pay for that Cactus World News song you want to use over the end credits? Well the IFB should be paying for this! Fair enough, if the film is complete rubbish they shouldn't but the Board should be helping most filmmakers who go it alone instead of funding the same mollycoddled faces over and over?

Get rid of that logo!
You know the one? The spiral thing that is supposed to look all mystic and Irish? In truth it resembles the sausage found inside a breakfast bap in Burger King. Who designed that? Give some unemployed art graduate the job to come up with a better logo?

Move to Dublin
Why anyone would want to base themselves in Galway beats me? That place is for hippies and Germans! The real film centre in this country is Dublin City. Instead of just having a branch office here move the whole Board up and forget about all that mystical, arty, West of Ireland crap.