COUNTRY VIEWS

Here are the countries that have accessed Shoot the Cabbage the most. Seems to be more popular outside of Western Europe.
Ireland (highest views)
United States
Russia
United Kingdom
Germany
France
Czech Republic
Ukraine
China
Latvia

Pursuit

Another Irish release that crawls into cinemas without much fanfare or publicity. It's a gangster film updating of an old legend. A couple goes on the run avoiding bullets and baddies. Lots of famous faces appear with several unknown ones. Fast paced and aimed at the multiplex this is an above average effort. In fact, it's quite unique in Irish cinema for using so many cuts in the edit to speed up the story. Lots of jump cuts and plot twists. Also impressive is how loud the songs on the soundtrack are. Most Irish movies have the songs fade in quietly but never reach their full impact. What's missing is a good set piece. Trojan Eddie meets Black ice meets Perrier's bounty. But better than any of those. They can use that quote for the DVD release!

Title: Pursuit
Genre: Gangster
New/old: New
Cinema/DVD: Cinema

MOVE THE IRISH FILM BOARD TO PORTUGAL!

Summit tells me this could be a good idea. Let taxpayers over there contribute for a change. Make all films in Portugese and this would have a ready market in Brazil. Might even win an Oscar for best Foreign Language Film? Better weather too and more attractive women, that would put Amy Huberman out of work. Then rename the IFTAs the PFTAs and no more daft Irish language shorts. Then close Ardmore for good, the RDS of film studios.

CALLBACK QUEEN RELEASED!

Graham Cantwell's latest 'masterpiece' is finally in a cinema, Dundrum to be exact. Finally, the follow up to one of the greatest cinematic efforts ever made in this country. How many of those knobs on FMN posting "Graham is a friend of mine" will bother to go see it? For some unknown reason, it's getting 1-star reviews from the newspapers. Do they not recognise 'genuine' talent? Why or why are we losing our greatest filmmaking talent to other countries? With Cantwell and Kirsten Sheridan moving abroad what hope is there for the country. Thank goodness all these Syrians are arriving!

VERONICA GUERIN DVD

Not a recommendation, but the lost Irish movie When the sky falls is now available on DVD. Long lost and forgotten it's yet another movie that got there first but went of circulation while the later 'official' version became the accepted release.

Pigman murders

A bunch of lads visit Connemara to remember a friend who died of cancer. They get killed by two people wearing pig masks. This is like a horror version of Hardy bucks meets The stag. It's complete rubbish but still watchable. Found-footage film that's badly done but some scary moments. Two of the group start fighting for no reason and there's one scene where a guy is cut open yet his friend talks to him like he only fainted. Everyone in this movie looks like their best days are gone. There's nothing new or different here. They look too old to be running around these hills. For some reason the director calls himself SPK (instead of his full name). Wasn't that an old industrial band?

Title: The pigman murders
Genre: Horror
New/old: New
Cinema/DVD: DVD

You're ugly too

Gillen gets out of jail and looks after his niece (he killed her dad). They move to a caravan park and meet a woman from Belgium. That's it, nothing else story wise. Character drama that is similar in tone to an earlier Irish film (Crooked mile). With lots of indie-dirge music on the soundtrack (piano, guitar, glockenspiel), the film is so slight that it's interesting enough. Very bland with boring dialogue and similar in style to several recent Irish titles which can't be a coincidence. Good debut from the director, hope he makes more stuff like this. What I liked about this movie was the lack of establishing shots, it was more interested in exploring characters' interactions with each other than showing off the camera. Other than that it's forgettable and slight. The title comes from a doctor joke, second opinion.

Title: You're ugly too
Genre: Family drama
New/old: New
Cinema/DVD: Cinema

SCREEN IRELAND PROVES IRISH FILM HAS FAILED!

Now that our beloved Film Board is getting renamed what does this show? Back over twenty years we have failed to produce a new Jim Sheridan or Neil Jordan. Not that must Irish directors wanted to emulate these overrated filmmakers but they're are still our most successful. Even worse, very few Irish films have done well at the box office and the ones that have usually employed a British director. To acknowledge this failure the Irish Film Board is no more. It's not film now it's 'screen'. That mean television series/documentaries/animation/shorts, anything that fits on a screen, big or small. The kind of stuff this blog won't review or discuss. Because let's face it, it's not true cinema. Our Film Board has been very good avoiding 'cinema' over the years. Most of our success involves cartoons or documentaries. We have not produced a world-class director in decades. Not one Irish person is producing a body of original work that stands out. Forget Lenny Abrahamson and Gerard Barrett. Those guys are 'art-house imitators'. Their films are check-the-box fare, stylish and lifeless. The Film Board is no more. Now it's Screen Ireland. This 'Ireland' means the Republic and not Northern because like their football team they are punching above their weight. Unlike us. Irish Film has failed and the Board realises. New Irish filmmakers are more interested in TV shows and animation than making anything worthwhile in cinema.

MORE AWARDS

Could Caroline and the one in the red dress stand a bit closer? Director in film, Patrick Bergin, looks shooked. None should get it! Lenny wins, and he's not there! After last year maybe? Big award of the night, best of Irish filmmaking? I know already who won this one, it's the one this blog won't review because it's not live action. None of these films will be remembered in a few years but does anyone care? That Noble was the best of the lot but what would I know? That stupid animation won! What a pile of crap! How can a stupid cartoon win this? Sean Bean, for Jim Sheridan, make them all watch that horror movie he disowned! Family theme, it's 50! Good clips there. Fair play, no new Irish director has been as successful, it's a shame earlier directors like Brenon and Hurst who were just as successful are completely forgotten. Let the party begin! See you next year, miles better than last year's!

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

And why are there speeches so short? What did Terry win? 30 seconds to comply! Caroline in a new dress! Rising star award! Graham Cantwell, not! Sarah wins again! Amy doesn't look pleased, a bit of new competition! Actress, Charlie Murphy wins, who? Here's Amy, leading actor in film, Moe wins! He's got a beard, must be in that Vikings series? Drama now, David Murray should get an award for attacking women! Love/hate wins, good metal band from the 1990s but who remembers them?

THE SHOW STARTS

I'm excited too Louise! Show on the road. Funny joke, not! Supporting actress in drama. Peter Coonan is the new Simon Delaney! This is all TV? Who? Short and sweet. It's Sarah, supporting actor drama. Hold on, these are all TV? I thought this was for film? Stephen, short thank you again. Andrew Scott, supporting actress, Noble wins! What's with the short thank yous? Where's Brenda Fricker? McGinley, reading the prompt. Best actress, Noble again! Thought she was a comedian not an actress. Seventh attempt to win too! Well done Deirdre, fair play and all that. It was a very good movie. Amanda, actors in TV, haven't seen any, Aiden wins.