Hidden agenda

It's no coincidence that the three great British realist directors from the '80s (Loach, Clarke, Leigh) all made a film set in Northern Ireland. Following the political thriller template Hidden Agenda tells the investigation of a shoot-to-kill policy only to uncover an even greater secret involving the deliberate fall of the Labour government in Britain. Of course most of it is fiction but it's great fun following the story. Strange that the most sinister scene in set on O'Connell Bridge in Dublin? Also interesting is the visit to a bar where not all republicans support the IRA! There are some interesting and sleazy characters in this film and it made a good point about there being two laws in the North.

WHY ARE SH*T IRISH MOVIES GETTING SO MUCH STATE CASH TO PROMOTE?

Another good recent article in the Irish Times* about our cinema. It states that several mainstream and well-known movies (Perrier's bounty, Ondine, Zonad) received state funding to (get this) - promote. These 'grants' were non-repayable! Let me understand this correctly: there are filmmakers out there struggling to make their own stuff and the IFB have given commercial distributers €200K to promote these rubbish films? Where's the sense in that? Not only should these extremely mainstream films have not been funded by the Film Board but to then receive further non-repayable funding to advertise these titles is a joke! We're in recession too by the way. It's also strange that two of these terrible titles received IFTA nominations? Just doesn't make sense? Surely the producers of these titles would have had no problem finding private funding for such commercial projects? Surely the distributors would not need state funding to promote these titles? Why did the IFB give away this money to help promote such rubbish titles? That sh*te Zonad received €75K to promote and yet it only took €34K at the Irish box office! Surely someone could have seen a preview of Zonad and said 'hang on, we're not funding this crap. Let's give the €75K to a new filmmaker who wants to make a debut feature'? Sadly, it doesn't work like this. Sadly, this is the way it works: Lick the ass off the big names and give them money even if their new feature is complete sh*te. How much will Kirsten Sheridan get from the IFB to promote her next feature? Probably more than the average Irish industrial annual wage. The system is rotten and all hope is gone. Zonad is out on DVD now at €15. Don't waste your money!
* Government cash markets Irish film – why not music?

This is my father

One of the better Irish movies from the '90s. It's a flashback story about a doomed romance between a 17-year old girl and Quinn. The anti-happiness brigade forbid the relationship and after the girl gets pregnant Quinn gets hounded by the community. It's one of those films where the story rules so it does get melodramatic. But everything about this picture is impressive: the casting; music score; cinematography; story; and locations used. It's one of those clichéd Irish movies (the local priest resembles Barry Fitzgerald!) that people living here dislike but this is the kind of stuff foreign audiences want to see made here. Good to see that the 'solitary tree in an empty field' from this movie was blatantly copied by the dire Eden over a decade later!

Last leprechaun

Here's one that will never appear on the Irish Film Board's promotional trailer! Made in South Africa(?) but set in Ireland it's the well-worn story of two kids staying with their future (evil) step mother. They meet a leprechaun who's is fleeing from foresters and they have an adventure. One of a small number of Irish movies with an environment theme (Taffin is another). The script is stronger than most homegrown efforts but the effects are terrible. The acting is more suited to pantomime and the story runs out of steam towards the end. Really for kids but it's an entertaining and interesting commercial effort.

IRISH FILM ACADEMY

Not sure what this crowd is up to but they seem to be some kind of film training place? Anyway, walked past their office today and lo and behold what did I see lying just inside their street window? None other than a book called Filmmaking for Dummies! Any respectability this 'academy' had is gone for good from this web log. If you're considering doing a filmmaking course in Dublin then avoid these jokers!

Holy water

When the next tome on Irish cinema gets published chances are it will ignore the most wretched of sub-genres - the one called 'Paddywhackery boll*cks'! This maligned genre includes titles such as Closer you get, Waking Ned, and Irish Jam. Rural locations, middle-aged cast, few children present, fiddle music on the soundtrack, unfunny comedy, sex-starved natives, priests who are 'one of the lads', and a great plan that everyone works together on. The latest example is Holy water and as expected it's sh*t. What's Linda 'Terminator' Hamilton doing in this junk? They steal viagra, it gets into the local water supply, and everyone gets romantic. Except the heist is rushed and we don't give a toss about the characters or who they get off with. Filmed in Devon, England (!) the movie uses red phone boxes, British car-reg plates, and sterling currency yet the accents and surroundings are mostly Southern Irish? What a crock of crap!

Ordinary decent criminal

One of the saddest aspects of Irish cinema is the small number of talented directors who sold out to make sh*te. One famous example is the director of this movie. How could the talented director of December Bride go on to make stuff like this? We have stories to tell indeed! One of three adaptations of Martin Cahill's story this one is the weakest. Hire in a few international stars; use all the famous Dublin locations; copy an ITV crime-drama style; hold back the violence; hold back any impact on the audience; and bore the nads off the audience. It's disappointing crap, the kind of movie that everyone raves about when it's getting made, but no-one will talk about once released! It's like something directed by a committe instead of a talented filmmaker.

No resting place

Here's one that should get mentioned on a list of lost Irish films! Very rare movie that hasn't appeared on television since the '60s apparently. It's the old story of the settled community vs the travellers. Set in rural Ireland it explores the conflict between the two groups. It also portrays the travellers as outsiders and this is impressively done. What's interesting is that this picture is a naturalist effort instead of a realist one. It's a very good fiction film made by a famous documentary director. Far better in fact than most other Irish titles about travellers. The strange thing is that though this movie has been little seen it's quite similar to many recent acclaimed Irish movies?

Crooked mile

Road movie set from Dublin to Tramore, Waterford this effort has the unique distinction of being made in Jersey instead of Ireland. The best part was the pacing but most road movies have this anyway! Filmed on video the makers do nothing to distinguish their work from countless other similar titles. It's as expected technically well made and acted but is so routine that it's of little interest. A medical-student dropout travels to the South East coastal resort with a young girl. As expected they argue and have various minor adventures. There's a strange encounter with a lorry driver and a few other mishaps for the pair. Like something from a well-trained filmmaker but with nothing to say.

Rat

One of the lesser known Irish directors is Steve Barron. He has made several entertaining Hollywood movies since the '80s. Brought up in Kimmage, Dublin he finally made a movie there called Rat. It's about Postlethwaite turning into a rodent and his family accepts this. Kind of like Stuart Little where it's played for laughs but is still serious. There is some good working-class Irish humour and it's interesting to see a Southside perspective for a change. Kelly is the expert uncle who tells the family what to do. Strange that this movie didn't do well - maybe because it came out during the Celtic Tiger era where people wanted to see modern Dublin instead of a rare good Irish movie?

Tristan and Isolde

Yet another big-budget Yank movie made partly here. It's an old story of Ireland fighting England and an Irish girl ends up with the enemy. She's got a sweetheart back home and various romantic complications ensue. The problem with this movie is that there is zero substance to it. We don't care who gets killed, what happens, it becomes confusing, too many action scenes occur at night, and the history is vague. Then there is the terrible acting, messy editing, and maudlin piano music on the soundtrack. It's the kind of film where actors get cast because of their physical resemblance to other actors from succesful movies such as Lord of the Rings! Then there is the overdirection from Reynolds - most scenes have unnecessary camera movement with only about two actors present. Nothing much to recommend and this story was already made here back in the '70s.