Quackser Fortune has a cousin in the Bronx

Little-seen Irish movie that stars Wilder and Kidder before they were famous. Set around Dublin it tells the story of a horse manure collector (!) who meets an American TCD student. But the horse trade is dying out and Wilder is being forced to work in a factory. Has an interesting counter-culture slant which is completely missing from most other Irish movies. It's also charming without feeling contrived. Filmed in tourist Dublin this is a classic picture that's buried away in the vaults and will never reach a wide audience because it will make most other Irish movies look sh*t.

Divorcing Jack

Fast-paced and hip political comedy that's dated badly. Thewlis is a journalist who gets caught up in a recording of a politician. That's where the title comes from as it's on a Dvorak cassette! Everyone is after Thewlis and he has to rely on his wits to survive. It's terribly contrived and silly but still watchable. Set in Northern Ireland it's a dark and violent comedy that is memorable but nothing special.

Silent grace

Before Hunger there were a few other IRA-prisoner films. One was Silent Grace, told from the female perspective. A young girl arrives into the prison and gets put with the political prisoners. Some members object but the leader of the group accepts the girl. The male warden seems to have a 'thing' for the leader. Average movie that is alright in one sense but goes nowhere. The tensions and arguements between the women get tedious. Impressive in the sense that it's not as melodramatic as expected. Yet another prison movie filmed at Kilmainham.

Book that wrote itself

Early Irish feature done on video this one is a road movie around the country. They visit Rathmines, the Wexford Opera festival, a Cork football club, Ennis, and the Galway Film Fleadh. The director plays the lead and he's a crazy character! Caught up in making his film he fails to realise that the girl filming him has a crush. Then he meets a producer and other spoofers in Galway and leaves this girl. The ending is set at a European film festival where several famous people (Clooney, Griffith, Singer) appear! It's like a home movie made by a guy with a massive ego. The acting is terrible but it's very funny in places.

Title: The book that wrote itself
Genre: Road
New/old: Old
Cinema/DVD: DVD

WHERE'S THE GREAT IRISH HORROR FILM?

If there's one genre everyone loves it's horror. Maybe not everyone but there's certainly a market for it. So, it's been a mystery for a long time now why there is no great Irish horror film?

The dead

Yet another good Irish movie made in the years between the two Film Boards. This one is about a group of people who assemble in the house along the Liffey (across the river from Spar!) to engage in dining, singing, dancing, and chat. It's set in three rooms and everyone gets on. There's a funny remark about celery in Mount Melleray!
Then Huston and McCann go home and have a chat. Best scene was Patterson's singing. This movie has class - somthing that's absent in most Irish films.

Perrier's bounty

What is this shi*e? It's 1998 all over again and filmmakers are scrambling to make another Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Of course in Ireland we have to wait a decade until this happens. When it's old hat overseas we think it's cutting edge here. No doubt the script appeared great and fresh (just like Headrush!) and they all thought they were on to something good. Shame on the Irish Film Board for funding this crap. Maybe they got slack for not funding In Bruges? The absolute worst scene here was when they walk away from the car and you know it's going to explode. Look at the blank faces on the cast in this scene. Says it all. What's the point? We can make these kind of movie ten years on? It's the kind of movie that receives acclaim from people who think they're film buffs because they own a Scorcese or Tarantino box set! So what? How the fu*k does the director get to make this crap (his other stuff is just as bad)?

Happy ever afters

Reckon I've seen more screwball comedies than most so my antenna was out for this Irish version! Yet another genre movie made by people with little passion nor understanding. Two weddings are in the same hotel. Sounds good but it fails. This film goes nowhere, has dull cinematography, is unfunny, badly acted, uneven, and just bad. Like a lot of Irish 'comedies' there is too much storytelling and not enough focusing on situation or character. The best screwball comedies have class. Happy ever afters has none of this. Also, you should want the original couple to get back together. Not here though. It's rubbish stuff made by 'respectable' filmmakers with little talent. Really pathetic.

The snapper

Long out of circulation movie (because it was made for TV) this is one of the most famous Irish movies. Except it's actually a BBC production! The whole housing estate is talking: who is the father of Sharon's baby? Could it be neighbour Burgess or a Spanish sailor. Filmed exactly like a low-budget telefilm it's got great dialogue and observations. Sadly writer Doyle has fallen out of favour because of his pre-Celtic Tiger working class characters. Yet another good movie made between the two Film Boards. Now that we're back in recession how about a few more of these films?

The boxer

Even Jim Sheridan's worst movie is better than most other Irish efforts. The boxer is another Troubles picture this time Day-Lewis leaves prison and reenters his commmunity. Except most don't want him back. He ruffles feathers by accepting gear from the police (boxing not drugs!) and gets intimate with a prisoner's wife. Tragedy ensues but not as expected. The problem with this movie is that we don't care what happens. It's another style-over-substance picture. Lots of scenes with something moving in the background (ships, cranes, helicopters) which distract the viewer. Lots of confusing scenes too (why does Day-Lewis and Watson visit the Loyalist side?) with washed-out cinematography. Bet the makers of Anton have seen this picture?

Inside I'm dancing

The title refers to the two leads stuck in wheelchairs but their spirit is still alive. One guy follows all the rules while the other guy listens to Raging Speedhorn! They get on well until a young woman gets in the way! Moving away from their home they settle into their own lives. This movie has a bit of everything taken from other Irish movies: wheelchairs; suppressed sexuality; stern motherly types; criminality; embarrassing scenes; and a rebel trapped in a conservative cluture. It's the kind of movie that everyone is impressed with but it's not that good. Lots of pop songs on the soundtrack too - it's that kind of movie. The final shot was in Dame Street though it's made to look like New York!