SHOOT THE CABBAGE CELEBRATES 150 POSTS!

There may be only five followers but the world's leading web log on Irish cinema has now 150 posts! Seeking out the rarest Irish movies, the titles the Film Board would rather forget, and commenting on our esteemed 'industry'. Other film sites will politely ignore the poor quality of most Irish films! Other film sites will just review the more famous titles and ignore the rest. Other film sites are just unaware of the huge number of Irish films that no-one knows about. Stay tuned followers - coming up next a proper review of one of the great 'lost' Irish films - The Fantasist.

Hush-a-bye baby

One of the more puzzling aspects about Irish cinema is that the best films were made between the two Film Boards in the late '80s and early '90s? Later films may appear more polished but they were usually less interesting. Hush-a-bye baby has everything required for a distinctive Irish movie: teenage pregnancy; Northern troubles; Irish language; generation gap; and an impressive stripped-down style. It's another TV movie that's done low-key. Thought the ending was a bit over the top but an impressive and famous film. Certainly has been written about in books more than most later films made here. One of singer Sinead O'Connor's rare roles.

Closer you get

This is the kind of film that no-one likes in Ireland. Paddy-whackery stuff about a group of bachelors who advertise for single American girls to visit their village in the hope of marriage. Lots of unfunny humour, out-of-date situations, and familiar faces turning up for the latest pay cheque. Silly sub-plots and a feeling that it's all aimed for the international market. The kind of film that would be made better locally but no-one would risk all the criticism.

Four days in July

Little-seen Mike Leigh TV film set in the North. It explores both sides of the community using a slow pace. There's an hilarious scene in a hospital with an expectant father where he tells a nurse to hurry up as he wants to go home for his tea! This scene is one of Leigh's best. Another good scene involves a Loyalist checking underneath his car for a bomb! The rest does get a bit boring due to the long takes and static shots. Probably the most low-key film made about the Northern troubles?

Shrooms

As in 'mushrooms'. This dire horror movie represents everything wrong with Irish cinema - unoriginal, technically polished, boring, Americanised, and crap. It's a horror film made by people with no interest in the genre. A group of young people visit Ireland and trip out in the woods on fungi (not the dolphin!). The only enjoyable part was spotting the superior horror films that Shrooms ripped off. Complete crap - bet young Irish directors will have trouble financing their horror films now because Shrooms has made us a laughing stock?

Honeymooners

Not the Cedric the Entertainer movie (which was also filmed in Ireland). This one is a shoddy romantic comedy filmed Dogma style. It's all shakey camerawork done on video. The story is the usual romcom drivel - after getting dumped on his wedding day the groom travels to Donegal with a young woman. At first they don't get on but guess what happens? Some scenes do work - the local wife's wedding dress is memorable. Also, funny were the suspicious locals. It's also good that this low-budget (€60k) movie got a theatrical release. But what's the point when you can see an identical and better Hollywood movie almost every month in the local cinema?

Claire Dolan

Here's another Irish emigration movie. Don't bother though as it's terrible. A woman works as a 'high-class' call girl to pay off pimp Meaney. Nearly every second scene involves stylised sex. The rest is just as bad. For example for some reason Meaney counts his money sitting in the middle table of an empty pub. Then there's the stilted dialogue, fancy camera angles, and empty streets in New York! Really bad and pretentious stuff. Also, of course there's a silly music score (similar to the later Helen) with a continual eerie tone all the way through the film.

Front line

This is just sh*t. Stupid Celtic Tiger movie where an African arrives in Ireland and gets caught up with local gangsters. Of course the police are all helpful to the Africans. Then there's a chase scene in Henry Street with the shoppers all standing round watching. Add in a dose of powerful music on the soundtrack, an ITV crime-drama filmmaking style, glossy cinematography, and one-dimensional characters to give an awful PC movie. Then there's a bad ending involving schoolkids that tries to be emotional. The kind of movie you look at instead of watching. Thank God these kind of films are not getting made here anymore.

Exposure

Little seen Irish film from the '70s. It's about three men who visit the country. They meet a French woman and one of the men develops a friendship with her. The other two men do their best to get their friend back into the group. It's about male friendship; outsiders in Ireland; photography; and a battle of the sexes. Interesting that the landlady takes the men's side. Low-budget film that is more impressive than most recent efforts made here.

Mystics

Another bad Irish movie. This one has two great actors (O'Shea and Kelly) conning people that they can contact dead relatives. It's the kind of movie that could have been a classic - if made back in the '50s! Contrived, unfunny, and unoriginal. Probably sounded great on paper - aimed at the Waking Ned market? Terrible acting too - lots of familiar faces turning up for the latest pay cheque. Really sad stuff.

Hard shoulder

One of the 'lost' Irish movies from between the two Film Boards. A group of Dubliners travel down the country to sell fire extinguishers. They are not welcomed by the locals. Downbeat roadmovie where half the cast disappear (not sure if this was intentional?) and a silly incest subplot develops. Slow-moving but well observed. Made for television this film captures pre-Celtic Tiger Ireland with its downbeat, gloomy, washed-out surroundings.