StandBy

Standby for another crap release from our Film Board! It's the dullest of people making a movie in the most 'challenging' of genres, the romcom! Seriously, these people are just too normal to make anything of interest. The reason they receive funding is because they will never rock the boat. An airport worker, who plays in a skiffle (not rockabilly) band, meets an old flame and he brings her around Dublin before her next flight out. There's absolutely nothing of interest here, everything is predictable, safe, bland, and forgettable. The only good scene was a dance to a Depeche Mode cover. Ireland, a country where we're come out of the worst recession in history yet film makers produce this contrived sh-te! Let me guess, all the script readers working for the IFB are female? Knobheads with empty minds, making templated rubbish convinced they've got talent.

Title: Standby
Genre: Romantic comedy
New/old: New
Cinema/DVD: Cinema

Guarantee

Watchable and fast-paced movie about the Irish banking collapse. It intercuts video footage of the major figures involved, shows how America had their own problems, it portrays the bankers as being smarter than the politicians, and keeps you watching. The limited-budget shows on screen, none of the actors resemble their real-life characters, the music is dull, and a lot of the movie amateurish. But at least this film is relevant to our times and treats the audience with some intelligence. A real-life horror movie!


Title: The guarantee
Genre: Docudrama
New/old: New
Cinema/DVD: Cinema

Out of here

Awful and dull movie about a returned emigrant who's dropped out of art college. It's like a sequel twenty years later to Snakes and ladders where the movie follows Moxley's son! Similar scenes (e.g. rave) but these young people are too dull to enjoy themselves. Are we supposed to feel sorry for this guy because he didn't get his degree from NCAD? As if his friends are going to get a decent job with a useless degree in fine art! There's absolutely nothing new in the film, every scene has been done before in previous Irish titles. Uses a disjointed observational style but there's nothing in the movie to interest. The similar but less stylish Gingerbread men is much better. Yet another turkey that's getting decent reviews because it got Film Board funding! What's missing from Irish cinema? Not this sh-te!

Title: Out of here
Genre: Mumblecore
New/old: New
Cinema/DVD: Cinema